Out of Place and Time

Do you have a life plan? Like I will marry at age 23, I will be an artist or a doctor, I will migrate to US – these are quite similar to what I want to happen in my life. Until someone took over the driver’s seat and gave directions to where I should go and not go.

True, I sound bitter every time I talk about this topic. I can’t help it. This is what I really feel. You may ask me, how about “my choice”?I don’t have any. Well, they asked me once when I was about to enter college for the sake of being curious to the course I want to take.

“Anong kurso ang gusto mong kunin?”

“Journalism po.”

“Wag yun maraming napapahamak dun…”

“Eh di Fine Arts na lang po, sabi kasi ng teacher ko maga..”

“Mamamatay kang gutom dun…”

(The way it sounded – his voice’s tone and the way he looked into my eyes are still fresh in my memory.)

I’ve been looking at the same page for an hour without understanding the topic. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re mind is wandering off to some place where happiness can be felt. One time, I am focused to study then next I don’t feel like it. And it all boils down to the reason that I’m not suppose to be here. So, you think I’m one hell of an unlucky person? Hmm.

Let me share this line I’ve read from a book I just finished reading last night:

It is not about being in the right place at the right time. It is about being at the right place and at the right time, and recognizing that one is there, and then being prepared and ready to take it, head on with courage, with magnanimity, and with great generosity and with hard work and with blood, and sweat and tears.

Those lines hit me hard. I thought no one understood how it feels to be in the suckiest place ever – out of time and place. I needed some motivations to get me back on the track again.

You know what I do when weariness sets in while reviewing, I would be an escape artist. I get my sketchpad and draw. That’s my simplest way to set my mood back in and I’d be the happiest person after.

We are where we are in many ways we don’t know the reason and never will completely comprehend. I admit at times, my heart still yells “I am not suppose to be here” – a part of me wants the fast lane right to my dreams. But I figured it out that like you – thinking we’re losers and unlucky people – we may not want where we stand but take it not as a problem nor an obstacle but an opportunity to prepare ourselves to what life offers us.

It’s not that I don’t make life plans anymore. I still do. Mine are more realistic and unselfish.

I go with the flow, taking with me my dreams, waiting for each corner would present, deciding to cross each bridge when I got there.

~ by ickaissimo on October 8, 2008.